Measly Blog Hardly Makes Up for 4-Year Silence

To say that this post is overdue is an understatement.

My last entry here was in 2019. Who could have predicted what was to come shortly thereafter and how it’s taken me four years to update this site. But to be fair, in the midst of world calamities, whose been up to the task of promoting themselves? I mean, for some…it’s an addiction that cannot be staved off. For me, life is more interesting when living and observing than rehashing, reposting, facetuning, tiktokking, et al.

I ended a five-year relationship at the tail-end of 2019 which led me into the global pandy as a single gay man sitting at home in isolation. As you might imagine, my hair suffered through that emotional fallout by being subjected to dyes o’ plenty that first year at home. But like many other people, I followed suit on all the trends – getting a dog from a shelter, buying a Peloton, bing-watching Tiger King, et al.

In hindsight, 2020 was a literal blur, with no distinguishing features to demarcate the passage of days, weeks, months, or seasons.

2021 started to open the world back up, and me with it. I met someone and it was fresh, new, enjoyable, exciting, and I once again had to realize that the likelihood of me being alone forever still carries low probability.

Later that summer, unexpectedly in July, I lost my father. It was sudden but I’m glad that all the family was there and we were around him and each other for his last moments. What I can appreciate the most about my dad was that he did live every single day like it was his last. He was always doing what he wanted to do and took advantage of opportunity rather than sit on the sidelines or become paralyzed by guilt or shame for taking that trip, spending that money, etc. The loss is hard, but the lesson is good – we have nothing in this world but time. It’s a precious resource that cannot be bought, traded, sold, recouped, etc.

Having been a person who has always sort of seen beyond the 4th wall of this man-made hamster wheel we call capitalism, it reiterated to me to appreciate so many things outside of ‘big’ moments in life.

My work at Coyote persisted over this time, slowly encroaching more and more into our corporate strategy team and as of early 2021, I fully moved over into a VP of CX Strategy & Research role to help lead our organization, in what is a very experience-laggard industry, to think about brand differentiation through service experience rather than price point, etc. I’ve been fortunate to have the stability of this job and some of the most wonderful people I’ve encountered thus far in my career to stabilize me while the world outside was falling apart.

More to come on all of those endeavors in later blogs as I make it a priority this year to revisit this space with intention and time. I read this article last week on why we all feel so exhausted:

Though not intentionally aware, perhaps hopeful that the busier we are, the more readily we will forget… the more easily we will undo the emotional tangle… the more permanently we will wipe away the scarring wounds…

We can’t.

And attempts to re-create some semblance of ‘normal’ on steroids while disregarding that for almost two years our sympathetic nervous systems were on full alert, has left our collective mental health in tatters. Our children and teens are not exempt. The natural byproduct of fighting a hurricane is complete and utter exhaustion…

So before you begin questioning the absolutely depleted and wrung-dry state you are in- Pause. Breathe. Remind yourself of who you are and what you have endured. And then remind yourself of what you have overcome.

Naomi Holdt

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